What you should have done

Scrambling up the side of a granite quarry for a jump into the deliciously cold waters below sounds easy- until you are there, with your toes gripping the edge of the cliff and you look into the black abyss beneath.

“Man, you’re all set. Just make sure you jump out so you miss the ledge down there. The water’s wicked deep.”

You’ve heard all the calls to do it, the recommendations on how to do it, the where to land, the where not to land. It doesn’t seem to make any of it better. It doesn’t seem to calm your racing mind, your pounding heart. The smell of cigarettes and sun block mix together to create the potent olfactory mix that you know best as summer.

Suddenly smoking sounds really good, hell, drinking sounds even better. But maybe that is not a good mix- drinking and jumping off a forty foot cliff into the black water of a quarry. All you can think of is stupid little things.

You should have left the cat more food.

You should have told your brother to take your dog for you.

You should have bought those stupidly expensive tickets to see the Sox.

Made up with your friend, had a second helping of ice cream, gotten up and danced on the hood of your truck at the drive-in, watched less TV, gone biking more.

Pain shoots up your ankle as the icy water envelopes around you and you surge back up to the surface. You dinged your foot on the way in. But that is okay, because you should have done this. You should have done this all along.